im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
