Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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