Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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