Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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