its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm passing your future prison.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
