if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
