Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
