so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
