WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
