Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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