How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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