It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
