i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
