I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
