She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
