as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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