I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
