I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
