Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
