I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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