I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize