id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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