I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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