I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
