I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I forget how to act sober
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
