i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
