So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
