p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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