.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize