And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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