I think I died a long time ago.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
