Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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