I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
