Moan for me like Helen Keller
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize