eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
