just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
