Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
