If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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