if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
