and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
