If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
