he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
