If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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