mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
