i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
