so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
