So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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