Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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