the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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