i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
