A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
