all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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