omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
