I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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