you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
