What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
