Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
