2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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