Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
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