I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize