If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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