Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
