my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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