I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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