does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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