I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
How does it feel to date your dad?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
