I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
