I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize