The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
