stop calling my apartment porn island.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
